I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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