dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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