we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
