So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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