But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think I won the penis lottery.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
