I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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