Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Jerry, you need to find god
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
