i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
