Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
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