She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
