Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize