Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
