Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
