the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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