I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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