That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
