i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Randomize
