Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
