She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i think i just lost a toe
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
