I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
