Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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