I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
