The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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