Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize