Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
