the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
