I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize