Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I am puke
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
