when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
