I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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