I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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