Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
