if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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