At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
