I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
