I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
