The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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