you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i need some magic done to my vagina
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
