She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
