I'd wear matching sweaters with you
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Alive.
So much puke
Randomize
