I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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