Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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