yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
