Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
