I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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