so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
