I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
