she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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