i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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