Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
