She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
