Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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