Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
