I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
should my penis look like a turkey
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
