Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
