I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
