my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
