So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
