and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
