He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
