Is it normal to miss your booty call?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
