I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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