i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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