I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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