That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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