My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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