Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Text me some of your sweat
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