After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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