Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
