I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My feet surprised me
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