it's too hot outside to masturbate.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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