woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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