I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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