Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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