i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
