and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
