I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
