did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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