come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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