yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
