My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
