omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
