my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I party with great urgency now.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
