I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize