i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You are the jesus of drinking
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
