have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
