Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
