I want to have your abortion
her vagine was all disorganized.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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