the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Why is your signature on my underwear?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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