if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
