Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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