She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
