Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
