So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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