hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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